It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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