I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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