im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
