i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
