Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
