I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
