dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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