Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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