I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
