I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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