At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
