You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
