I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
