I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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