phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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