She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
