Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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