I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
