Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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