Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
