Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
