Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
