Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
