just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
