It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
