there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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