Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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