By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
