i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
