i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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