Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
