Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
