he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
