ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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