Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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