All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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