She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
