how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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