the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
