Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
