If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Randomize
