you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
