ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
