I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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