We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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