tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
