There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
