Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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