Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
