If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
