When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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