I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
