I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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